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#602893 06/20/20 10:28 AM
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Hello everyone,

In my post from earlier this day about a Dutch song I made ('Ik zag vogels / I saw birds') I wrote I would also post an English song. Well, here it is: https://soundcloud.com/user-296497130/a-terrible-day
This song is dealing with cause and effect of intolerant behaviour. Although the topic is sadly enough still actual, it is brought with an upbeat tempo and a Bluegrass fiddle, and it sounds almost funny. I wanted to write the song this way, because it symbolizes how these issues are mostly treated; if you don't take it too seriously a 'bushfire' will (mostly) follow.

I made the melody a long time ago, in 1975. Back then the lyrics handle nearly the same topic, but I rewrote all of it. I think only the word 'tramp' remained.

And why posting two songs at almost the same time? I was working on both of them for some weeks. When they were ready together I thought it could be a nice idea to bring them together to the forum. I'm sure you let me feel I was wrong on that...

Hope you like the song,
Hans
=============================
The instruments:
Style: CHEATED.STY (Cheated Fingerstyle Folk Pop)

RealTracks: ~683:Bas, PopHalfNotesPush Gel 120
Loop in Song: Drums\TambourinePop8ths
RealTracks: 2932:Guitar, Fingerpicking Songwriter
RealTracks: 632:Guitar, Pop American Gel 120
RealTracks: 3163:Guitar, Bariton
RealTracks: ~428:Fiddle, Bluegrass Gel 130
RealDrums: PraiseWorshipUptempo16^1-a:Snare, HiHat, Kick , b:Snare, Ride
========================================
The lyrics:
A Terrible Day
(c) HwBerkhout 1975/ june 2020)

When he arrived all alone
He is in need of money and he's a skinny bone
But he arrived in our town!
And he was strolling too much around
He's a tramp and that we disapprove
so he had to move

But he stayed the whole morning
and had no plans to go
He said: "I can't be leaving
until I had some food, you know"

We growled: "Hey, you better go now
and leave our little town
'cause things won't be funny,
if you don't listen to us, right now"

Aah, He only smiled, didn't gave way
And our tolerance quickly ran away
We were convinced that surely will do
The food he'll forget too!

But he rushed to the river
and jumped into our boat
He laughed very loudly  (hahaha)
Raised a finger while afloat

And we could do nothing
We couldn't come any near
We knew we were in trouble
'cause that was the only boat out here

solo

Oh, he floats on that river
And sat there on his own
But we could do nothing
He had our only boat

And the tramp, he was just laughing (hahaha)
toasting with our beer
No, we could do nothing
We had a terrible day, that day

No, we could do nothing
That tramp just stole our boat
and it was slowly drifting
We only see his back, he drifts away!


 


Hans Berkhout
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Hans

I liked it. The fiddle sounded very good in context. Nice strong engaging vocal and a good set of chord changes.

Nice work all round.

Peter

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Hopping progression and some really cool breaks. I'm assuming if "you" had just fed the tramp like a guest, none of this would have happened. I like songs written in "voices" other than the singer, and I hear this one that way. Great vocals as always and an unsettling backing.


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Hans,
Country reggae huh? Fun resurrection! Very unusual happy composition about sad subject. A lot of cool and twisty phrase articulations. Almost hard to follow, yet it is holding the form well. I believe you are advancing in your recording skills (especially vocals*)
Thank you for sharing.

Misha.

P.S. Will listen to Dutch variant tomorrow.

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Hans,

A story well told. The BAND is good. That fiddle works.

Good vocals. And a good overall mix. No nits.

Fun!

fj

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Very cool tune Hans. Loved the songs rhythm . Excellent vocal and lyric. Well done


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Some very clever stuff going on in this Hans! Interesting and diverse use of the instrumentation here! Great vocal! Captivating and entertaining all the way! Thanks, Torrey




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Very cool.
Nits..
The vocal has an aggressive crispness - you could reduce some of the top end.
The snare's a bit the same.
Small things but repeated listens would rely upon having a little less icepick to the brain.


Cheers
rayc
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Originally Posted By: PeterF
Hans

I liked it. The fiddle sounded very good in context. Nice strong engaging vocal and a good set of chord changes.

Nice work all round.

Peter


Hello Peter, thanks for your kind words! The song gave me some unexpected problems with the mixing. Severall times I had to do it all over again. I was glad I managed to make the sounds as it is now, before starting to hate the song. Therefore your compliments are the icing on the cake!

Originally Posted By: Tangmo
Hopping progression and some really cool breaks. I'm assuming if "you" had just fed the tramp like a guest, none of this would have happened. I like songs written in "voices" other than the singer, and I hear this one that way. Great vocals as always and an unsettling backing.


Hi Tangmo, that's the whole point (to keep the issue simple). If you helped the man somewhat, nothing bad happened. But there is a danger in putting it this simple. Like: if you feed someone, he steels your boat. The conclusion then would be: never help a stranger.
That, of course, is not what it means. And I also like to sing 'in stories', but that is not allways possible, as you might know. Thanks a lot for your compliments!

Originally Posted By: Rustyspoon#
Hans,
Country reggae huh? Fun resurrection! Very unusual happy composition about sad subject. A lot of cool and twisty phrase articulations. Almost hard to follow, yet it is holding the form well. I believe you are advancing in your recording skills (especially vocals*)
Thank you for sharing.

Misha.
P.S. Will listen to Dutch variant tomorrow.


Hi Misha, what nice to read your kind words! I never thought this song can be called Country Reggae. Very creative of you!
But about my improving skills; if you knew how I struggled with this song, you wouldn't have written it (I think).

Stay safe you all,
Hans


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I really like the way you have delivered a message of tolerance.

Enjoyable melody, and interesting chord progressions.

This is great from so many aspects.


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KARMA!!

Strong production with the cool write, track choices, arrangement and
excellent vocals.

And above all a memorable message!

Great song Hans!

J&B


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Hans,
Maybe its his wicked laugh but I found myself liking the freeloader... and thankful I wasn`t in the position of the narrator.
Good strong vocal- love the way you become his character for that laugh and were trying to figure out what went wrong through the song.
A very original folk fable!

Robert

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Originally Posted By: floyd jane
Hans,

A story well told. The BAND is good. That fiddle works.
Good vocals. And a good overall mix. No nits.
Fun!

fj


Floyd, thanks for this nice comment. I appreciate you listened to both of them, because it's hard working listening to all our songs here and also make some yourself! My sons allways laugh when I say I work very hard every day. "It's a hobby, dad". We work hard!".
Have you heard similair words, Floyd?
I know you prefered the Dutch song. The comments on the forum on both songs turned out as a contest between the two songs, I noticed by myself. I hadn't thought it would work out this way, but on the other hand it is quite normall. My favorite is the Dutch song too (close finish of course...).

Originally Posted By: Scott C
Very cool tune Hans. Loved the songs rhythm . Excellent vocal and lyric. Well done


Scott, thanks for your words. I hoped you also got straight up in your chair when that laughing came, like you did on the Dutch song with the leadguitar...

Originally Posted By: Torrey Bliss
Some very clever stuff going on in this Hans! Interesting and diverse use of the instrumentation here! Great vocal! Captivating and entertaining all the way! Thanks, Torrey


Hi Torrey, glad you're back again and thanks for the nice comment on this song! It gave me some big mixing problems I didn't expect. I thought it would be easy done. It wasn't such a complicated song I thought. I nearly start hating it, but luckily the mixing proces then went well. You can hear it when you listen to that laughing. It was getting meaner all the time!

Thanks all of you and stay safe!
Hans


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Hi Birchwood,


The lyrics of this composition are a reflection on poverty that we want to ignore when it bothers us. The composition is pleasant and well mixed.

Well done

Best regard

Dero13 alias JaniJackFlash


Kindly regards
Derochette
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Interesting, quirky tune that somehow works well. I liked all your musical choices. Reminded me of Harry Nilsson. Well done!


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Originally Posted By: rayc
Very cool.
Nits..
The vocal has an aggressive crispness - you could reduce some of the top end.
The snare's a bit the same.
Small things but repeated listens would rely upon having a little less icepick to the brain.


Hi Ray, you are probably right about the shortcomings on the mix. I'm very sensitive about icepicks in brains. So I will see how to fix all this, but it has to wait some time. We have a heatwave over here, on my attic (also my studio) it's getting horrible hot and it melts away all my creativity. But I am glad you liked the song after all...

Originally Posted By: VideoTrack
I really like the way you have delivered a message of tolerance.
Enjoyable melody, and interesting chord progressions.
This is great from so many aspects.


Hi VideoTrack, thanks for these kind words. I know normally when dealing with a heavy topic like this, every word you use is not good enough. It will take a whole library to say things the right way. But I fantasized a scene to make it a bit more manageable. I don't know if it was good, but you liked it anyway so it must be! Thanks!


Originally Posted By: Janice & Bud
KARMA!!
Strong production with the cool write, track choices, arrangement and
excellent vocals.
And above all a memorable message!

Great song Hans!
J&B


Hi J&B, well it is't so great, but a likable melody. I liked it since I made it back in 1975. I changed the lyrics and put in some nice instruments BiaB offered. I never thought I would use a Bluegrass fiddle, but it fitted the best, considering the story. And yes, Karma it is! Thanks for your comment!

Originally Posted By: Robertkc
Hans,
Maybe its his wicked laugh but I found myself liking the freeloader... and thankful I wasn`t in the position of the narrator.
Good strong vocal- love the way you become his character for that laugh and were trying to figure out what went wrong through the song.
A very original folk fable!

Robert


Hi Robert, Yes I liked that wicked laugh too. I didn't expect I had that in me when recording it. I thought I was just a nice, decent guy. Then I heard me doing this...
and I think I wrote just what I would do if people try to humiliate me. It's great you are the same! and thanks for your nice and funny' comment on it.

Originally Posted By: Dero13
Hi Birchwood,

The lyrics of this composition are a reflection on poverty that we want to ignore when it bothers us. The composition is pleasant and well mixed.
Well done

Best regard
Dero13 alias JaniJackFlash


Hello Dero13, ... and if we ignore it, it comes back to us in a way we dislike so much that we can't ignore anymore (that I hope, of course. Too much inequality is bad for society, don't you agree? Thanks for your observations on the song!

Originally Posted By: TuneMonger
Interesting, quirky tune that somehow works well. I liked all your musical choices. Reminded me of Harry Nilsson. Well done!


Hi TuneMonger, I had to look it up on internet who Nilson was, but immediately recognized his songs, like 'Everybody's talking'. How I liked that song! But comparing me with his songs, is a huge compliment for me, but for him...? I am quite curious what you meant with the word 'somehow' in ...tune that somehow works well. I had to laugh about you writing this and thought how i struggled getting a good mix. But then I thought you might mean something else as what was in my head. So tell me if you want. and thanks for you nice words and your comparison.

I heard Covid is striking again in the US, so stay save,
Hans


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Haha, Hans. You can't help but create that bushfire with this beat. Love your taste, my friend. This is so so good.


Enjoy whatever happens!
marty

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Very nice chording, I enjoyed especially the verses and how the guitars created the rolling groove from the chords. Great instrument selection, fiddle works well. Great vocal performance. Nice story, laughing makes it even more lively and gives justified sympathy for the tramp.

Janne


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A fun song from a serious subject!!! A very animated performance and production!! Nicely done!! Take care. Greg

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Very clever!

Your band is spot on! Super fiddle player!

Super vocal on this super song.


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