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How am I going to follow my last song?  With this one, it seems. See what you think?  Thanks for listening and for any comments! This Melody THE LYRICS: When we first met, we were so young, You were the girl with golden hair, I was that boy, so highly strung, You kissed me, soft, I gasped for air. When you held me, I'd only cry, When I held you, you'd only shake; I never stopped t' ask myself why ... Perhaps that was my one mistake. And many years have now passed by;
I cannot write without you
In my own mind, as I now sigh,
And pen these lyrics, feeling blue.Why you left me, I still don't know; Why hate me so, I'm none too wise; Perhaps others told you to go, With words of lies, in noble guise. And now it's late, you're not with me, And I sit here, all alone, My mind's a broken symphony ... My soul is empty, to the bone. And many years have now passed by;
I cannot write without you
In my own mind, as I now sigh,
And pen these lyrics, feeling blue.And since I know not where you are, And if, at times, you think of me, I sit, and wish, upon a star, That you may hear this melody. To have you back, I do not dare To hope, for that's perhaps too much; I'd just want you to know that I still care ... And that I miss your gentle touch. THE BAND: ****** Song Summary ************* Title: Feeling Blue - 8 June 2023 File:Feeling Blue - 8 June 2023.SGU Key=C , Tempo 60, Length (m:s)=4:48 No intro. 68 bar chorus, from bar 1 to bar 68. Repeat x1 chorus No Melody No Soloist track. Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0, Style is _ROSEATE.STY (Roseate Pop Ballad) RealTracks in style: 3501:Bass, Electric, NashvilleRadioBalladAB Ev16 075 RealTracks in style: 2813:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm GospelSlowBalladMike Ev 085 RealTracks in style: 3906:Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm SongwriterSlow16DADGAD Ev16 060 RealTracks in style: 3874:Guitar, 12-String Electric, Rhythm BalladPickingBrent Ev16 060 RealDrums in style:MalletsSlow16ths: a: Tom Groove b: TomGroove HiHat ******************* Mixed in Mixcraft Pro Studio 9.
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James,
Great song and an excellent vocal. I really like your tracks selection. Great mix as well.
Nice job with this project!
Bob
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Very close to the vibe & sound of Rod McKuen's Jean on this one.
I like the backing but also think you can afford to venture a little more boldly in that area as McKuen did on If You Go Away etc.
Nice one.
Last edited by rayc; 06/08/23 11:43 AM.
Cheers
rayc
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James
Very pleasant melody, gentle song, sounds good.
Well done.
Peter
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Hi James ...
Such a pretty song with a relatively simple but very effective chord progression in the verses, while the chorus offers some very nice variations in the pattern. Your vocal is very good. Very nice selection of backing tracks. And the key modulations in the last half were so nice. Very nice, indeed!
Alan
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You're right, James. Your last one was so good it can't be topped. But this one rides alongside, and I like that we're back to your musically speaking vocal. Your progressions are unmistakably yours. Very clever in their movement and quite melodic. I like the modulation. I sure would like to meet this gal that write about. She seems very inspirational. Rod McKuen was an interesting suggestion, but I like it just the way it is.
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James, those outstanding backing tracks are fabulous and they are perfect for your spoken word.
Super mix.
Two thumbs up.
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James,
Nice write.
Good tracks.
fj
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You have a knack for writing lyrics that one can easily identify with, at least I can. Good backing tracks for your recitation.
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Hey James,
I love this, very emotive!!
Really pulls at the heart strings!
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Thank you so much, each and every one of you, for such kind comments. This may be a good song, or not, I don't know; all I know is that it's not quite as good as I wanted it to be. I should have waited until the morning, before posting it, but ... I finished it late at night and it sounded good enough to me, then, so ... Anyway, many of you seem to have enjoyed it, which is a big source of comfort, for me ... but it seems I'm going to have to reflect hard on my musical direction ... which way I want to go with my songs, etc. . On one hand, I've had more than enough of heartbreak songs ... on the other hand, I don't know what else to write about, these days. Something to reflect upon, for me. But thank you, thank you, thank you for your kind comments. And Marty, yes ... if I could, I would gladly introduce you to this gal! Maybe you could talk some "sense" into her, and succeed where I've clearly failed? haha Only joking ...
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As Ray said, "Very close to the vibe & sound of Rod McKuen's Jean on this one." "I've had more than enough of heartbreak songs ... " They spring eternal. This one has your Victorian feel on the rhyme scheme which gives it, at least for us, different imagery. Like a late 19th century scene in a tv series. And that's all a sad love song needs ... just a different take on the theme. FWIW, etc. J&B
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Excellent vocal and lyric James. Backtrack was excellent as well..
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Hi James,
A long time since I hear a song from you again. But it could be me who missed the former songs.
I'm glad too you returned to these kind of songs where you talked in a sensitive way the beautiful lyrics only you can write this way.
Good song, good fibrations!
Hans
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Hi, James. Sounds good! But I can relate to the feeling that you're writing the same song over and over again. Some thoughts you can ignore... I heard you almost sing on "with golden hair". So I know you can sing a little. And a little is all you need. How about just singing the chorus? And by "chorus", I means something really simple, like repeating "You don't know" or "You broke my heart". Not many words, only a few notes. Make the chorus more up-tempo than the verse, so it's a strong contrast with the verse. Drums, shakers - all the standard tricks that pop songs use to give the chorus a lift. You could even mix the sung part with spoken word in a call and response, such as: (sung) My one mistake... (spoken) Not telling you. (sung) My one mistake... (spoken) What can I do? (sung) My one mistake... (spoken) That's my one mistake. That way, you're only singing a few notes - but making them count! I've mentioned William Shatner's "Has Been" album, which has the "problem" that he doesn't sing. For example: That's Me TryingAnd if you don't feel comfortable singing, you can do what Shatner did and have someone else sing it for you. 
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Janice and Bud: thank you. I'm taking a small break (or so the plan is, at least) from writing, in the hope that recharging the batteries will bring new inspiration. Thank you, though, for the wonderfully kind words! Scott: thanks Hans: too kind! thank you! David: brilliant suggestions. I just don't think the song is up to par, though - or, if it is, it's no better than what I have already written. So I'll see if I spend any more time on it, improving it ... if I do, I will seriously consider your suggestions, but I really think this one may be better off put away, into an imaginary box of some sorts Thanks, though, so much for such truly thoughtful suggestions!!!
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This is the second song of yours (that I've heard) where you sing a melody instead of spoken words, and in both cases I liked it.
You should do that more often.
The arrangement is good, but could benefit from some dynamic changes.
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Beautiful melody and very enjoyable chord progression (I really like the change in "I was that boy, so highly strung").
Pleasantly warm vocal delivery. But most of all, I can hear lots of personal feeling in the touching lyrics.
The arrangement could be more interesting if, for example, strings were used to highlight important/dramatic sections.
Your talent shines, keep on writing these unique pop songs.
Janne
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B.D. Thomas: thank you. I'll try to sing more! Janne: thanks so much. Ever so kind! Yes, as B.D. also said, the arrangement could do with improvement. But (as I already said, above), I think I'm going to put this song aside, for a while If I do come back to it, I will see what can be done, though, by way of working on the arrangement - thanks again
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