David,

I really like this!

Wonderful opening! The e piano then the blend of the acoustic guitar... beautiful! Worth stealing that! (I will give you credit, of course..). The first couple lines of the vocal are so close to "real" that it makes you want that "girl" to turn into a real voice (like in a Disney movie) - it is nice!

An excellent piece of songwriting. I have no issues at all with anything wink ... It all seems quite natural - which is all that ever matters. Solid, solid writing. Opening with "furniture" and then moving later to emotion...very well done. I commend you, also, on avoiding the typical clichés of the what-has-happened-to-us song. You captured the emotions in fresh ways...

One lyric suggestion... I may be misinterpreting this... in your chorus,
"I could scale the Zagros mountains
Or be covered by salty sea"
Should that be "Or cover the salty sea"? (I would write it as "I could cover the salty sea" - to give you that repetition)
Basically... I can climb mountains, I can span oceans... (I don't get "being underwater")...

Beautiful melody!

The lead instrument was a surprise (a nice one. You did not list it, so I did not want to give it away here..if that was your intent). In the first half of it, I feel that there were too many "quick phrases" - the opening is nice, but is followed by too many flourishes (if you know what I mean).. the second half has more held notes which fit the feel of the song better and I think the overall lead would benefit from more of that happening in the first half of it... (the ending works very well).

Did I say "I really like this!"???

Man! This is NICE!

floyd

oh.. forgot the mention - excellent production, excellent mix... (got so wrapped up in the song itself)

Last edited by floyd jane; 10/10/14 05:48 AM.
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