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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 416
Journeyman
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OP
Journeyman
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 416 |
I'm almost there with this one but please feel free to criticise it in a constructive way so I can learn. I'm never "done" with my songs! I woke up with the first line of verse 1 this month. Been working on it ever since. Let me know what you think. Thanks. CLICK HERE
Last edited by Paul Haynes; 07/27/18 06:51 AM.
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Expert
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Expert
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,535 |
Hey Paul, you need to fix the link...didn't connect to anything!
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Journeyman
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Hey Paul, you need to fix the link...didn't connect to anything! Ah. its was set to private. Fixed now. Thanks.
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Very interesting song!! It is a VERY unusual and extended metaphor. Clever and catchy. Melody and vocals are very good as is the mix. Enjoyed!! Take care. Greg
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Yes this is a very clever and catchy! Also it is very well mixed. Your vocal is very good.
AFAIAC this is finished.
Excellent work.
Unclear if the pianist is a total beginner or a professional jazz player?
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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Really like the back track on this song. Excellent vocal. Well done
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Apprentice
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Apprentice
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 112 |
I agree... Excellent. Very nice song.
------------------------------------------ My music: https://soundcloud.com/ermar-gamarMy stuff: Stratocaster '89, PRS SE Santana, Digitech RP90 Multi Effect, Vocalist Live 3, Digital Piano Korg SP, Studio One 3.5, Presonus Audiobox, BB 2018
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Pleasant, jaunty song. Well sung, nice voice, good mix. From a technical point of view, my only advice would be to keep doing what you're doing. From a songsmith perspective, I'm not really a fan of songs that come right out and tell people to do something. But this didn't irritate me as much usual, so you're doing something right there, too. 
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Thanks guys. Much appreciated.
I wrote this song aimed at myself.
On a technical note, I think this is one of the better songs I've written/recorded/mixed but I know its not perfect. I tried to add some percussion using EZdrummer2 but couldn't find the right timing so I left it out.
Last edited by Paul Haynes; 07/28/18 04:08 AM.
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Nice song, to me it sounds like the start of a tv show.
Good clean recording/mix.
Would have liked to have seen the instruments used etc.
win 10 64 bit 16gb,i7 chip, ssd 500gb, m-audio air, ,Roland BK-7M, 1000,shure sm7b,sonar,acid,mixcraft, variety of plugins.Sample tank 3,Kontakt. TC Helicon Voicelive 3 2 . https://beatmaster1.bandcamp.com/releases
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...Would have liked to have seen the instruments used etc. Hi Beatmaster Sorry for delay. My mix was made up of... Roadrun.sty (Road Run Funky Acoustic Blues) Realtracks My Takamine guitar My vocals Mixed in Studio One
Last edited by Paul Haynes; 07/31/18 03:07 AM.
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PG Music Staff
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PG Music Staff
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 3,414 |
Really nice work Paul  A really interesting metaphor, as others have mentioned. The mix job sounds really professional, and I enjoyed your vocal delivery a lot too. Keep up the great work, and thanks for sharing!
Cheers,
Deryk
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Good song! Nice mix too, just the right amount of processing on your (very fine!) vocal.
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LOL very creative. Great advice in a bit of an unconventional form. Your vocals sound great. Nice choice of tracks. Well done.
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Paul,
I like the sound you developed. The song has good balance and dynamics as far as I'm concerned. You vocal blends in with the rest of the song.
I like the lyrics.
My ONLY complaint is you do not have download enabled. This one's a keeper as far as I'm concerned.
Jim Fogle - 2025 BiaB (1124) RB (1) Ultra+ PAK DAWs: Cakewalk by BandLab (CbB) - Standalone: Zoom MRS-8 Laptop: i3 Win 10, 8GB ram 500GB HDD Desktop: i7 Win 11, 12GB ram 256GB SSD, 4 TB HDD Music at: https://fogle622.wix.com/fogle622-audio-home
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Very nice, Paul! The acoustic backing tracks are perfect for this. Your voice is really smooth clear. Nice mix. I really enjoyed this. Best to you.
Alan
BIAB 2024 Ultra Plus-all StylePaks*Win11*32GB DDR5*Rhyzen 9745x*AT 2035 Mic*Peavey Nashville 112 Amp*Ibanez ART120* Acoustic/Electric/Washburn D200S Acoustic*Stromberg Monterey Jazz Guitar Loops: https://aldavidmusic.wixsite.com/bestmusicloops
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Paul,
I like the sound you developed. The song has good balance and dynamics as far as I'm concerned. You vocal blends in with the rest of the song.
I like the lyrics.
My ONLY complaint is you do not have download enabled. This one's a keeper as far as I'm concerned. Thanks Jim. I didn't know you could do that. I've now enabled downloads and you are free to use it. Thanks for your encouragement.
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Apologies that I've not thanked everyone personally. You've all been encouraging as usual and I appreciate that but please don't be afraid to criticize my work if you feel you would like to, I can learn better that way of things I've not thought about or stuff I need to be aware of to make it better. I'm never settled with my work, always wanting that "studio" rather than a home made sound.
Last edited by Paul Haynes; 08/04/18 04:49 AM.
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I wrote this song aimed at myself. I got to thinking how you could go about making this message less direct, and "The Gambler" came to mind - in that song, instead of the singer talking to the listener, it was a character talking to a singer. So a different approach would be to have the singer getting advice from a mechanic - "I don't know anything about love, but I know about fixing stuff..." sort of conceit, with the listener being able to make the jump between fixing rusty bolts and a relationship. I don't know that it would be a better - I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the direct approach - just saying it's a slightly different way to approach it. You'd have to waste at least one verse on the setup, so it's certainly not as efficient.
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CHORUS Love your Wife - like penetrating oil Soak her in your love - every day As it penetrates - to the hardest place Wait for your breakthrough - and pray for grace Love your Wife - like penetrating oil Paul, if I show this to my wife I am going to lose 3 hours right in the middle of my day. Oh heck, why not.
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