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The Kingdom Of True Hearts A moral question: if a known artist plays a (new) melody in your dream and you use it as your own, are you stealing from him? That's what happened with this song, one of my favorite songwriters Roddy Frame started a concert in my dream with a song from which I remembered a short snippet in the morning. I have went through his catalogy but so far I haven't found an exact match, but I could have heard it in a live recording or it could be some rare tracks which I might have heard on the radio... but anyway, let's just say that this song was strongly inspired by his music  You can listen to his songs like Sister Shadow, Reason For Living, More Than A Law or Somewhere In My Heart as a reference. In my dream, the song title was perhaps The Kingdom Of Heaven, at least I made the first version with that title, but I wasn't satisified with the result so now I have re-written most of it. Maybe another round of rewriting is needed, because the process has been quite long and difficult and I think the story is still bit too preachy... I would be more than happy to get feedback for things that don't work and how you would change them to work better. RealDrums: NashvilleEven8 RealTracks: Electric bass #2754 Acoustic piano #811 Electric guitars #694, #697 Baritone guitars #2444, #2625 Solo guitars #810, #2636 Organ #686 Vocals: Janne S Mixed in Cakewalk by BandLab Lyrics:Through the narrow gate walk the road of hardship full of scorn and hate you may fall or slip but shed your wounds and purge your heart then build your castle from timeless parts. In the kingdom of true hearts love is not a duel of rivals for a favor of thrones for a reward but a struggle where forgiveness and remorse are the swords that everyone affords. You may be keen to judge to swing your sword of justness you may look for smudge reasons to oppress but might's not set to misapply first take the timber out of your eye. [Chorus] You should not overlook a knight who rides her own way don't decline her help when you stray accept the kingdom's call outside your guarded wall. Your crown shows trust and care don't ask your folks to praise it if you boast that you are fair some might see a hypocrite just give your hand to whom it's due don't sound a trumpet in front of you. [Chorus] -------------------- Janne
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Janne,
The 2nd chorus is really spot on.
I really like the arrangement of the 1st verse and the choruses.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Janne,
A big Pop sound! Especially on the chorus. The melody sings nicely.
The vocal gets a bit buried in the chorus at times, could use with a bit of a volume increase? or maybe a touch of high EQ to raise it up? Not sure. It could just be the chunking guitar fighting the frequency - it seems to be centered (noticeable on the verses) along with the vocal. Perhaps if you panned that out some it would give the vocal the little bit of room it needs...
An interesting lyric and a really nice melody. Enjoyed.
fj
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Nice tune...
As you mentioned...
It may be "still bit too preachy"...
But IMHO its a message we all need to apply to our lives...
I agree with Floyd that the "vocal gets a bit buried in the chorus at times"...
But for me it doesn't take away from the song...
I actually enjoyed listening.
Jim
†=☮&♥
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Really well done - and I enjoyed your explanation of the inspiration behind the song. It's intriguing to me where inspiration can come from! It's a solid write, and nicely catchy with some fantastic progressions. Thanks for sharing
Cheers,
Deryk
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Really pretty song Janne!! Very melodic....just flows so nicely! I think your choice of tracks and your mix are excellent! I too have had that feeling, not sure if something is mine, or "borrowed". This is really great stuff!! Take care. Greg
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Janne,
I like upbeat pop songs that avoid cliche`s ( Mr Frame was a good inspiration, I`m glad you mentioned his songs!).
You have a good chorus melody with and an arrangement that captures the feel of guitar driven pop.Not preachy to me.
I agree the vocals could be brought up in the mix.
You asked for feedback;there are a few phrases that sound a little awkward:
please take my suggestions on this verse with a grain of salt- I don`t take kindly to people messing with my lyrics!
You may be keen to judge
to swing your sword of justness
(justice)
you may look for smudge
(look to smudge/look for a smudge)
reasons to oppress
but might's not set to misapply
(your might`s misapplied)
first take the timber out of your eye.
Robert
Last edited by Robertkc; 07/29/19 05:48 AM.
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Janne
Nothing to add to the good advice above. Enjoyable song & melody especially the chorus.
Peter
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Janne,
I agree with the comments about the vocals being buried sometimes.
But a good sound and arrangement, chorus is especially strong.
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Janne,
The 2nd chorus is really spot on.
I really like the arrangement of the 1st verse and the choruses. Thanks Ray for your positive comment Janne
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A big Pop sound! Especially on the chorus. The melody sings nicely.
The vocal gets a bit buried in the chorus at times, could use with a bit of a volume increase? or maybe a touch of high EQ to raise it up? Not sure. It could just be the chunking guitar fighting the frequency - it seems to be centered (noticeable on the verses) along with the vocal. Perhaps if you panned that out some it would give the vocal the little bit of room it needs...
An interesting lyric and a really nice melody. Enjoyed.
fj Thanks Floyd your kind and valuable feedback I have used Ozone Imager for the main guitar to spread it, maybe it could be spread even wider. Or I could generate two tracks of the guitar and pan them. I'll check also possible masking issues. Janne
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Nice tune...
As you mentioned...
It may be "still bit too preachy"...
But IMHO its a message we all need to apply to our lives...
I agree with Floyd that the "vocal gets a bit buried in the chorus at times"...
But for me it doesn't take away from the song...
I actually enjoyed listening.
Thanks Jim for your kind words The lyric was originally based on the Sermon on the Mount, and some famous lines are preachy as they should be, but they work so well that I left them. I'm glad you are ok with it. Janne
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Great work on this Janne, I really enjoyed the overall tone of this. I found this very easy to listen and I really dug the chord progression. Fantastic work on the vocals. Keep it up!
Cheers,
Joe
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"but shed your wounds and purge your heart
then build your castle from timeless parts."
Love those lines. There's a lot packed in there to ponder.
Well done and as mentioned the chorus is very strong.
We enjoyed it...and the backstory!
J&B
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Janne,
Good arrangement and interesting lyrics!
I agree with most that vocals hiding a bit, but that might be also related to: You sing with soft voice, but your arrangement has some harsh instruments (guitars! + strong rhythm track). If I had it "my way" I would either try to sing it more "aggressively" or change out instruments that are aggressive to softer versions.
Thank you for sharing.
Misha.
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I've been really enjoying a lot of the lyrics folks have been posting up lately, and the songs that go with them and listening to the finished pieces have made me like them even more. Really great stuff, thanks for sharing this with us.
Cheers,
Ember
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I felt like this was the best thing I've heard from you, very accessible and stayed with me in a good way. Looking forward to more like this.
Windows 10, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 6i6, Komplete keyboard, Sony Acid Music Studio 11, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak
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Dear Janne,
well, what should I say..? A great song all the way. Very appealing lyrics with a message, a good melody and I LOVE the backing track. I'd agree what has been said about the vocal volume, but after all that doesn't devaluate this great song at all. Very good work, I enjoyed listening (and reading) a lot.
Take vare,
Stefan
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Nice tune...
As you mentioned...
It may be "still bit too preachy"...
But IMHO its a message we all need to apply to our lives...
I agree with Floyd that the "vocal gets a bit buried in the chorus at times"...
But for me it doesn't take away from the song...
I actually enjoyed listening.
Thanks Jim for your kind words The lyric was originally based on the Sermon on the Mount, and some famous lines are preachy as they should be, but they work so well that I left them. I'm glad you are ok with it. Janne I have to be OK with it... After all, the Sermon on the Mount contains the commandments the Lord expects each & everyone of us to keep.
Jim
†=☮&♥
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Really well done - and I enjoyed your explanation of the inspiration behind the song. It's intriguing to me where inspiration can come from! It's a solid write, and nicely catchy with some fantastic progressions. Thanks for sharing Thanks Deryk for your very kind words Dreams are great inspiration for me, I think I have already written more than 10 songs that have started from a dream idea. I wish that some day I get my "Yesterday"-level hit idea  Janne
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