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Thanks, Scott. I really appreciate it. Welcome to the forum. Loved your vocal and lyric. Super backtrack. Well done
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Thanks, Robert. I totally agree about the last verse being more obscure. I wrote the drafts for the first two verses separately from the last verse, and they definitely seem more polished. I still plan on revising the lyrics another 3 or 4 more times, so I'm hoping I arrive at a better last verse. Thank you for your kind comments. I really appreciate them. I will definitely post this song again after I revise. I have some changes I'd like to make to the acoustic guitar, and I might add a few more instruments. I'm not familiar with Jesse Winchester, but I'll definitely go check him out soon. Thanks again! Todd,
The first two verses and chorus are brilliantly crafted lyric writing ( I thought the last verse more obscure ).
The gentle backing works well- it will be interesting to hear developments if you make any.
Your vocals are relaxed, warm and clear ( reminding me of Jesse Winchester).
A lovely song- welcome to the forum!
Robert
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Thanks so much, J&B, I really appreciate your kind comments. "All the beautiful words I fed to the west wind
Hands full of ash--nibbled and gone
But the bones of the dark sky were gentled by starlight
Broken ships, broken voices, all washed ashore"
Nice!
Well written, well sung, well played and well mixed, i.e.,
a fine production.
Well aboard!
J&B
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Thanks for your gracious comments. Good to meet you too. I read back over that link I provided about the translitic process, and it isn't as clear as I remember it being about the process. Thanks for the suggestion about posting to the SongWriter's section of the forum with more info about this process. I'll definitely put some material together and do that. I can also give some examples of how the lyric evolves from draft to draft. Thanks again! Cheers! For now, just in case you are interested in the translitic process and would like to give it a try, here's a bit of info that might be more clear: A translitic (from trans, meaning across, and litic, meaning to cut or loosen) is a poem, song, or other writing "translated" from a foreign language by paying attention not to the meaning of the words but to how those words look or sound. The writer uses as a guide whatever homonymic/homophonic associations come to mind. So a line like "Un jardí d'hivern en un pantà de verns," (from a Catalan poem) might vaguely look or sound like "A yard of hives and a painting of ferns." or "A hardy diver and a painted delver." or "A hardy hive and a pattern of vines." For certain, this process is easier if you use a poem in a language you don't know. One of the most important things to remember about the translitic is that it is a process of revision; you are not finding “meaning” per se in the original foreign language poem; you are finding images, beautiful language, and relationships as you progress through each of your drafts.
The first draft of your translitic will have a dreamlike quality to it. It doesn’t need to make logical sense, nor does it need to make grammatical sense. In this first draft, you are assembling words and images, creating a landscape which you will explore in your later drafts. After you finish your first draft, put away the original foreign language poem and don’t look at it again.
The second draft of the translitic is where you begin to make “sense” of the dream imagery in the first draft. Here you begin to look at the relationship of the images and the language, and you begin to push the lines toward “meaning”--even if it is only meaningful in some emotional sense. After you finish your second draft, put away your first draft and don’t look at it as you write your next draft (you’ll repeat this process of only working with the previous draft each time.)
In the third draft, you continue to explore your text. At this point, you might want to begin measuring your lines by the number of syllables or stresses. Or you might want to choose a familiar melody--yours or someone else’s--and begin “measuring” the lines by singing your newly found words to this melody.
In the fourth and subsequent drafts, you continue to refine your images, write verses, a chorus, a bridge, etc. You might find that you only want to explore a subset of the stanzas you’ve created from the original foreign language poem. You can do that! You don’t need to cram the entire text into one song.
Wow. This is reminiscent of my favorite "country" period when the doors to were open to everyone. This folk-tinged piece iis timeless. The lyrics were captivating...definitely not "on the nose" but not so obscure I felt like an idiot listening. Beautiful poetry.
The band is right there and your voice is high and strong with that bit of fragility that moves.
I read the link earlier, but it didn't really explain the "process", nor did the author's examples read much like song-lyrics (though I don't think he was aiming for that). Please consider writing a bit about it in the "Song-Writers" part of the forum.
Good to meet you.
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REALLY loved this song. Great vocals, good story, and the perfect balance for a real keeper. Perfect backing too
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I like it. A nice first post.
I'm looking forward to hear more.
Excellent
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.comAdd nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both. The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
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I had a look at the lyrics before listening (always a bad plan) and thought "So many words..."Fortunately, first impressions were completely wrong here.  I really like this song. The vocal has - to my ear - a bit of Springsteen's Valentine's Day melancholy. Loved the lyrics, vocals and production.
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Hello Todd ...
Welcome to the Users' Forum.
This is a really nice song! A gorgeous lyric and a simple arrangement that fulfills every need for the backing. And your voice is really, really nice! You lose no resonance in the upper register. Your voice gave me a John Denver vibe - particularly your intonation. Everything about this just sings and settles softly in the ears as beautuful music should.
That was a sweet listen ... totally enjoyed it.
Wishing you the best. Be safe ...
Alan
Last edited by Al-David; 06/08/20 04:35 PM.
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Hi Texas.
Am fascinated by the lyrics process and the stunning results you produce.
Strong melody and vocal also.
Thanks for your pointers on the translitic process.
Must give it a try!
Cheers.
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Thanks, Hans. Maybe the Empirical Labs Distressor ended up pushing my signal too hard. Next time I'll try it without (or split the signal and record both ways) and see if it's better. Thanks again.
Thanks for your clear response. The disturbance I heard was throughout the vocaltrack in the high end as if it is was recorded a tiny bit too loud. Nothing really to lay awake for.
Continue the good work!
Hans
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Thank you for your kind words. I'm happy my song reminds you of some of your favorite Van Morrison tunes. He's one of my favorite singer/songwriters. I've covered a lot of his tunes through the years, so it's good to hear that maybe something of him has rubbed off on me. Cheers! I love this! It sort of, just a little, reminds me a bit of a few of my favorite Van Morrison tunes, in the vocals parts phrasing and timbre, and the mood and imagery of the lyrics.
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This is so wonderful, Ed. Thank you for your gracious words. That's great to hear that you feel the song takes you on a journey. I'll also try not to eliminate all the edge when I re-record. Thanks again! This is excellent. The measure of a song is in it's impact on the listener, and this one hits home in a big way. There's plenty to praise in this song - the composition, arrangement, vocals, style, performance, and so forth. But I'd like to focus on the part that transcends all of that. This song instantly hits you and takes you on a journey, and the lyrics are just beautiful and fit perfectly. Sure, there are a few rough spots, but even the best singers who have some soul get a little edge in there in the right places, so I would not eliminate that completely.
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Thank you for your kind comments. I'm happy you like the song. I haven't heard Nautical Wheelers in a long time; I'll go check it out for sure. Thanks again! Great tune and vocal. I suppose because it's about sailing and it's a waltz, Nautical Wheelers came to mind. But it stands on its own. Loved the lyrics as well, great quotable lines throughout. Well done!
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My pleasure! Thank you for giving it a listen and for your kind comments. A really nice song. Excellent lyrics. Thanks for posting.
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Thanks, Ray, for your kind comments. Which Eagles song does the verse melody remind you of? I'd be curious to listen to it and compare. As I was singing, I kind of felt like Lyle Lovett, so I imagine somewhere in there I've borrowed a bit of one of his melodies as well. Thanks again! Cheers. It's a lovely narrative with a fabulous sheen to the words and the arrangement is perfect.
The vocal is lovely as well.
The verse melody is borrowed from the Eagles but they probably acquired it through the ether as well.
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Hi Todd
A lovely song with poetic lyrics, well sung.
I definitely heard some Lyle Lovett in your vocal, by the way, particularly at the beginning.
Regards,
Leon
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Thanks so much, Graham, for your kind comments. I'm happy you like it. Thanks for listening and commenting. Cheers, Todd REALLY loved this song. Great vocals, good story, and the perfect balance for a real keeper. Perfect backing too
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Thanks so much. Looking forward to sharing more of my songs and listening and enjoying everyone else's. Cheers! I like it. A nice first post.
I'm looking forward to hear more.
Excellent
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Thanks so much, Graham. I really appreciate your kind words. I'm glad you like it. Cheers, Todd REALLY loved this song. Great vocals, good story, and the perfect balance for a real keeper. Perfect backing too
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Thanks so much! Glad you like it. Cheers! I like it. A nice first post.
I'm looking forward to hear more.
Excellent
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