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Hey Forum Friends...I could use some feedback/critique on this new song. I'm pretty sure I can improve it, but not sure about mix, vocal style (I tried to use a 'whispering' voice), any other suggestions to improve it would be appreciated! Story--I had this done, musically, for quite a while, at a loss for how to turn the 3-note melody motif into something that made sense. I sifted thru a lot of ideas, like "Mike Mc-Gee", "Fri-ca-see", "woe is me"--finally clicked onto "butterfly" which I liked...then had a heck of a time continuing with the 3-note scheme thru the lyric. I'm happy with how the lyric finally turned out. BUTTERFLY -------------------- Yellow-bright, black-and-white, skipping by; On my hand, won't you land, don't be shy; And for a moment you stay, Then you just flutter away Dip and dart, touch my heart, catch my eye; Flash your style, make me smile, won't you try? Soul ensnared in sadness, Darkened inner sky; And like a flash of sunlight You happen to stop by. Bright silvery shimmers, you touch me. Soul darkened in sadness, Saddened inner sky; Then with a splash of sunlight You come hovering by. Time out for my sorrow, Come back tomorrow, Little star, say good-bye, You can't stay, so off you fly, Paint the sky-- Butterfly! ============================ Style is DEODAT1.STY (Deodat1 - Swing 16 Jazz-Pop-Funk) Style MIDI Instruments are : Clean Electric Guit (28), Pad-Poly Synth (91), RealTracks in song: 3111:Bass, Electric FunkSimpleAlex Ev16 110 RealTracks in song: ~1437:Piano, Electric, Rhythm JazzFunkGroovin Ev16 110 RealDrums [in Song:ChajchasShakerSw16: a: ChajchasShakerSw16b: ChajchasShakerSw16 Added: Midi Strings, E Piano, HiHat Hits, Held Bass Added: RT1073:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm SmoothJazzCool Sw16 100
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Hello Tano ...
What a lovely song! This song says "gentle listen". You always create some pleasant and very enjoyable music for us.
As far as suggestions:
1. I think you could back away from the microphone a bit. It sounds, to me, you're a little too close. And maybe add just a wee touch of reverb.
2. Bring up the volume of the backing tracks a bit such that they are just a bit softer than the vocal.
Your lyric turned out very nice. I enjoy songs that bring me a visually artist aura and this one did just that. I could mentally see that butterfly fluttering around me.
Thanks for a real nice listen! Wishing you the best. Take care and be safe ...
Alan
BIAB 2024 Ultra Plus-all StylePaks*Win11*32GB DDR5*Rhyzen 9745x*AT 2035 Mic*Peavey Nashville 112 Amp*Ibanez ART120* Acoustic/Electric/Washburn D200S Acoustic*Stromberg Monterey Jazz Guitar Loops: https://aldavidmusic.wixsite.com/bestmusicloops
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I concur with everything Alan said. I also think a flute solo might be more fitting for a song about a butterfly. Only a few years ago I learned the average butterfly lives about a month or less. Maybe you could incorporate that into your lyric.
But it's still a nice track as is.
Windows 10, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 6i6, Komplete keyboard, Sony Acid Music Studio 11, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak
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Thanks Alan and TuneMonger...just the kind of help I needed on this, and I'm going to take your advice. Thanks for checking this out and giving me your diagnosis!
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Hello TanoMusic,
Superb lyric and besides, I love butterflies. The arrangement lends itself well to your voice and lyrics. As has been said, a small increase in the volume of the orchestra would be nice. I had a great time listening to this melody.
Kindly regards
Derochette
alias JaniJackFlash
Kindly regards
Derochette
alias JaniJackFlash
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Derochette..thanks for your kind feedback, glad you enjoyed it.
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I like this song, but I actually wanted to write almost the same as Alan, so there is no need to repeat all that.
Just want to add that I think you should re-upload the song again when you have brought the background and your voice closer "together", because it is definitely a track I would love to listen to again! ¨
You are a talented composer!
Will
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That is such a sweet and kind song, I love the light and fresh vibes it brings. As far as suggestions : - like people said I would put the vocals more in the back and raise the backing track. So basically balancing a bit more between vocals/instruments. Maybe as it has been said doing another take where you are a bit further from the mic if just rebalancing the volumes is not enough. - I would decrease the volume of the shaker. It is as present as the other instruments whereas I see the shaker more like a spice in a dish. - Having the sax is great! I wonder if you could try not to have the shaker play during the sax solo ? It might give more presence to the sax solo. I found the shaker to be a bit distracting (but that's just me, some others might disagree). You have a great tune and great melody, this is an adorable song. Those suggestions are just adjustments to a very good song 
Last edited by Angelomusic; 12/16/20 05:06 PM.
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Will, Angelo...thanks for the feedback..I’ll be working on improving it with your recommendations.
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