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A very sad and delicate touch to a subject that could cause many bad memories to resurface. I lost my best friend in Nam as well as many high school classmates. My hometown had the highest casualties per capita than anywhere else in the US. A very sad time in our history.
But back on the song it was done with respect. I could feel the pain in the vocals. Super mix.
PS - I never was in the service as I was taking shots for asthma and allergies from 1964 to 1970. 1Y then finally 4F.
Have you ever noticed there are no lines to a bathroom at a water park?
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Excellent lyric writing. You certainly captured that time well. I like the melody. It's not one you would expect to go with the words, but it works.
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Nice tune. Very clear vocal recording. Good lyrics. I like the change up on the last stanza. Good one.
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'Tunemonger'...
Your lyrics are scenically vivid, the music is bittersweet, and your vocalist has a youthful enough voice to suggest an innocence and idealism that could have been severely tested by 'the war'. The feel of the song makes it sound as though it could have been produced during the Vietnam era, not necessarily as an out-and-out protest, but more like a stop, look, and listen kind of experience. The instrumental silence after the second verse was as dramatic as it was unexpected. This song will linger in my mind and heart for awhile.
- bluage -
"Music is what feelings sound like."-- borrowed from a Cakewalk Music Creator forum member, "Mamabear".
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Wow, bluage, you deserve some kind of special achievement for your lengthy critiques. Thanks so very much, it's nice that someone points out all the things one does to try to bring a song to life. Kudos.
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This is a great write and a great tribute.
It hits home on the terror or war, and he overwhelming demands placed on such very young and innocent people.
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Well done!! I like the music and lyrics, but it sounds like the vocal recording has a lot of ambient leak into it........kind of gives it a vibe of that era though!! My brother's number was about to come up when they stopped the draft.......we were relieved!! What a terrible war! Take care. Greg
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Hi TuneMonger,
I read all post on your song. Impressing what memories it brought up on that terrible time.
When it all started I lived on Curaçao (A Dutch island in the Carabians) in the 60's. US warships and aircraftcarriers always came visiting us on their way home from Vietnam. And they also had a lot of soldiers aboard that fought overthere.
It was good practise to invite on of them for a day, to give him a 'holi-day'. The soldier we invited showed me his wound. He narrowly survived a sniper attack. I was 10 years old and very impressed by that story. That war became real for me then. But of course in no way comparable with what a lot of you described here, and what was writen in your so good lyrics, TuneMonger!
And I want to share Daves'(Bluage) excellent post on your very good song. It reflects exactly what I think of it too!
There is only one tiny thing: In a way I missed a 'real' chorus. What made you decide not to get this in?
Best regards,
Hans
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Oh no, Greg, after the song passed muster with the astute ears of fj and rayc, I figured I was home free. But now you tell me the vocal has a lot of ambient leak. I went back and listened to the dry stem solo and didn't hear anything, so I am going to guess the problem is in the way I processed the vocal. And to be honest I threw my hands up in the air and decided it would take somebody with better mixing skills than mine to figure out the problem. So I'm in a bit of a limbo about it. I may give it to a pro to mix. Thanks for pointing out a problem, I appreciate it and would always rather know the truth. I'm curious, though, if anyone else notices the same problem??
Windows 10, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 6i6, Komplete keyboard, Sony Acid Music Studio 11, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak
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Hi Hans,
I did think about the fact that this song was simply the same verse for four verses, with no chorus. I finally decided it stood on its own well enough, and didn't need a chorus. I thought it was strong enough to break a rule. I might be wrong about that and you could easily be right. I'm still pretty happy with it, I just need to figure out how to deal with Greg's observation of it having a noise problem with the vocal track. Your story was interesting, I appreciate that you shared it with everyone. It seems people all over the world were affected by the Vietnam War. Thanks again.
Windows 10, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 6i6, Komplete keyboard, Sony Acid Music Studio 11, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak
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Hi TuneMonger,
Thanks for your explanation about the build up of the song.
And I think you are right on it.
The message can be watered down by a chorus. It can distract from the message itself.
Hans
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This sounds great TuneMonger. I really enjoyed this. Nice work!
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Nice work, evocative and well produced.
Deserving of all the praise.
Peter
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