|
Log in to post
|
Print Thread |
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,966
Expert
|
OP
Expert
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,966 |
Hi, all: Well, I’m not sure I should post this one quite yet . . . but the reality is I don’t know what else to do with it, notwithstanding reservations. So I'm looking for input on what’s lacking and how I can make it pop more. As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks much! Deej Here’s the song:I'LL NEVER BE THE SAME Here are the lyrics:She was more than just a lover She was all I ever dreamed She made me feel like Elvis In a crowd of teenage screams But she wrapped me round her finger She played my precious heart That demon girl rocked my world Then tore it all apart She’s moving on She’s moving on And I don’t want to talk about the state I’m in About the man I oughta be, about the man I’ve been I don’t need your perspective on the worth of change ‘Cause she hit me like a hurricane And I’ll never be the same Well I found her down in Memphis In a bar on Vance and Main She was hunting the defenseless Some new boy she could tame I took her by the hand Whispered ‘Babe, I want you still’ She told me I should disappear I’m thinking that I will I’m getting gone I’m getting gone And I don’t want to talk about the state I’m in About the man I oughta be, about the man I’ve been I don’t need your perspective on the worth of change ‘Cause she left me in the pouring rain And I’ll never be the same Waiting all your life to find the perfect lover Basking in her light, then one day you discover She's slipping out of sight and messing with another And you ain’t got the strength to stop Her wicked world of pain Here’s the band:RealTracks 995: Bass, Electric, Hard Rock LA RealTracks 3733: Guitar, Electric, Rhythm GrungeRockArp RealTracks 2758 Guitar, Electric, Rhythm Rock Heavy 8ths Murray RealTracks 998: Guitar, Electric,Rhythm HardRock LA Crisp RealTracks 2586: Guitar, Soloist, PunkMurray RealDrums: Rock Hard Modern
Last edited by Deej56; 12/03/21 06:40 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 7,221
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 7,221 |
I'm not really hearing anything missing in the song. When you hit the line "I’m getting gone" I figured it was the chorus, until (of course) you got to the chorus. You've got some strong writing here! I was a bit confused at the second verse with the lyric "Well I found her down in Memphis" because I wasn't sure if it was a flashback until the end of the verse. Something like "Well I tracked her down to Memphis" would clarify it. Not that it's a real problem. The line "Whispered ‘Babe, I want you still’" isn't quite as needy as perhaps "love" or "need". The end of the second verse seems a bit weak, with the line "I’m thinking that I will" is one of the few lines in the song that seems chosen more for the rhyme scheme than for the impact. I leads in nicely to the next line, but... I don't have a better solution. Trying to be clever and coming up with something that rhymes with "Silent Hill" is probably not helpful.  I've got mixed feelings about "That demon girl rocked my world". It's got a lovely inner rhyme going, and it sets up this lyric really nicely: "And you ain’t got the strength to stop
Her wicked world of pain"But that "world of pain" is knowing that you're about to be abandoned for another, so I'd expect something like this: "And find you're almost believing
The lies that she is sayin'."Anyway, back to the first verse: "That demon girl rocked my world
Then tore it all apart"I'm trying to figure out some way of keeping the ideas of the first verse going without being overly redundant. Perhaps: But I never saw it coming
When she tore that world apartThat's all I've got. I think it's a strong song. Other than suggesting some minor (and not really necessary) tweak, I've got nothing. Unless you weren't talking about the lyrics, in which case... I've got nothing at all. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,966
Expert
|
|
OP
Expert
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,966 |
David,
Actually, I was feeling pretty good about the lyrics until you "rocked my world then tore It all apart,", LOL!!! Kidding aside, all your comments are substantive and meaningful, and greatly appreciated. As it so happens, on "Babe I want you still," the original idea was to go with "I love you still". But I made the change to "want" only because I don't think the singer really loves her--more of an infatuation and obsession than love--hence the change. "Need" is an interesting option I didn't consider, and might be more in keeping with his mindset . . . but it doesn't sing as well. Food for thought regardless.
I went back and forth between "found," "followed," and "tracked" in that "found her down in Memphis" line. Ultimately went with what sounded better, notwithstanding best meaning.
Interesting your reaction to "I'm thinking that I will" . . . perhaps because "She told me I should disappear, I'm thinking that I will" was one of the earlier lines to the draft (as I was mumbling potential lyrics to my poor guitar strumming). To me, it signals a resignation on the part of the singer, which leads into the mini-bridge that follows and then chorus . . . or not, LOL! It was the intent anyway.
Really appreciate the thoughtful comments, David. Thanks much!!!
Deej
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 3,894
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 3,894 |
Your songs are always such a treat, Deej. Love this. Man, Excellent lyrics. EX.: "She made me feel like Elvis In a crowd of teenage screams." Right away we all want to meet her. And just as quickly the dream is dashed. She's just another one of those. Excellent production and your voice... well, you know how I love it. Excellent use of BiaB.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 3,139
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 3,139 |
really liked the song hooky start.
liked the character vocals/vocal reinforcement.
liked the emotion in the vocs.
like the way the song builds on the outtro...superb fade.
v good song.
merry xmas.
om
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,210
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,210 |
Excellent as is, but I immediately heard an edgier guitar in the beginning, something like The Black Keys' Lonely Boy. There are some new alt-rock guitars in the 2022 version of BIAB by Mike Durham that might work. Not mandatory, as I said, it's great as it is. That bridge is terrific, if I ever get stuck writing a bridge I know who to ask for help.
LOL,l Was fine with the lyrics and I am picky about words. However, I have heard so many commercial hits that didn't make sense to me, so that's the bar I work from.
Windows 10, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 6i6, Komplete keyboard, Sony Acid Music Studio 11, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,966
Expert
|
|
OP
Expert
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,966 |
Marty, om, and Tunemonger:
Thanks for the listens and kind feedback. It's very much appreciated.
TuneMonger: Actually, "edgy" was what I was going for--and went in looking for something a bit angrier. I think I auditioned every electric guitar I could for this one, and this seemed to be the best combination. And while I'm happy enough with how it's come out so far, I still feel like it's lacking something on the production side to put it over the top--as you say, something "edgier". I'm just out of ideas for now, but maybe they'll come with a bit of time and space, and, of course, all the great BIAB feedback.
Stay safe, stay well all!
Deej
Last edited by Deej56; 12/04/21 07:19 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 21,997
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 21,997 |
Deej, I wouldn't change a thing! Everything sounds great to me.
Loved it.
Unclear if the pianist is a total beginner or a professional jazz player?
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 12,146
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 12,146 |
Deej,
I like this - a lot! It has a great indie-pop-rock sound - both the write and the production.
I don't know that it needs to be any "edgier". But...
The drums could use a bit more "pop" - they are "somewhat tame" for the song.
I thought it could use more/bigger harmonies when they occur. They are mixed as "background" - edgy-indie-pop-rock song typically have more of a the-whole-band-singing-at-the-same-level kinds of harmonies.
You could add a guitar amp plugin of some kind (in your DAW) to modify the sound of the guitar track (for more "edge").
Something else to try... if you add 2 copies of an RT (like the rhythm guitar to the BIAB file it will play slightly different things in the 2nd copy/track. Pan those pretty hard. That might give you the edge you are looking for. (You could process one of those with guitar amp/effects for a slightly different sound).
A B3 track (with a little distortion) can give you a bit of edge, too...
But. I like it as is. Your vocals on this are Excellent. You've really upped your game in that area - pro-level recording/processing.
fj
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 197
Apprentice
|
|
Apprentice
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 197 |
Good arrangement and catchy melody! Really liked the lyrics as well. Some parts made me think about one of my own songs, Evelyn.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,677
Expert
|
|
Expert
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,677 |
Hi deej, I'm with Mario: I wouldn't change a thing. I mean, one can always imagine something he would have done differently, but even if I do, I am convinced the authors had their reasons. If they're uncertain about what they're posting they can and will ask for suggestions, I think. As a non-native English speaker I wouldn't dare commenting on lyrics negatively anyway, but when I read these I simply liked them. Maybe I'm wrong, but I hear a lot of the sixties in that song. I always like your voice and the way you use it. So, even though things aren't especially going the right direction for the guy (you) the song is anything but depressing. It's more: Yep, that's the way it went then. Far too often. But what the heck, that was 50 years ago  I liked it a lot, and so did my feet. Take care, Stefan
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 1,749
Expert
|
|
Expert
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 1,749 |
I'm trying very hard to imagine something to add...........I can't
I might try subtracting.
It's high energy from start to end, a brief break might give it some breathing room.
well done.
moto
Last edited by CaptainMoto; 12/05/21 06:19 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,219
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,219 |
Everything about this is nice...real tracks fit the song perfectly...very clean and precise mix...your vocals are always great...enjoyed completely...I wouldn't add any more IMO...great listen.
www.soundclick.com/firesongBiaB 2024, Steinberg Cubase Pro 13, Wavelab 11.2, SpetraLayers Pro 10, Audacity, Steinberg UR44 Interface, Yamaha Genos, Roland FP60 and FP10, Windows 10 You are who you are because you do what you do because of what you believe.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 9,868
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 9,868 |
This is brilliant. I had to go look and see what tracks are in it.
Extremely well done. I love the lyrical flow and the glass shattering brittle guitars. It all works well.
I got a definite British Indy vibe from this.
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.comAdd nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both. The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,697
Expert
|
|
Expert
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,697 |
Hi Deej,
Yes I agree with the others - all sounds good to me - good vocals, song, chorus and outro.
The only suggestions I have are:
1. Some more and more substantial drum fills especially leading to the choruses and in the outro.
2. Remove some instrument tracks after the lead break/s to give it a touch more light and shade and then bring them back after say 4-8 bars.
I only make these suggestions because I like the song.
Well done.
Best Regards
Nigel
Last edited by NigelSpiers; 12/05/21 02:40 PM.
Nigel Spiers
Christchurch, New Zealand
info@nzacoustics.com
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 6,637
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 6,637 |
Deej this is strong melody & lyric writing.
My only suggestion would be to audition a strong POWER POP style and, barring that, reconsider the solo guitars...the tone's a bit brittle.
COOL SONG ace vocal.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Oct 2021
Posts: 1,417
Expert
|
|
Expert
Joined: Oct 2021
Posts: 1,417 |
Hi Deej
This is once again an absolute TOP song
What should one say there still big
The song can be played anywhere on the radio and people will love it
Class made Deej
Many greetings
Andi ;-)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 791
Journeyman
|
|
Journeyman
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 791 |
Nice writing Deej.
There's nothing that needs changing here. Vocals,lyrics, band - all good.
Cheers,
Mike
Mike Garry BIAB 2025/RealBand, UltraPak, Kontakt, EZmix, Ozone 9 Elements, Hybrid 3, Audacity, MSi PC, Windows 11, 64bit, 16GB ram, CPU: Intel i7. https://soundcloud.com/user-952388172
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 7,773
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 7,773 |
Cool tune Deej. I got a bit of a Byrds vibe when the song started. Loved this song. Reminded me of the songs of the late 60's and early 70's. Well done..
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,240
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,240 |
Listened to this several times over the past few days, never quite got time to comment.
N.B.: Versatility. You are so versatile and always come up with something different. A joy to hear.
Love the edge in this song. Superb backtrack choice, superb writing, great singing as usual. And the lyrics - bravo. Vocal harmonies, spot on, too ... you've really done the work on this one, haven't you? Superb result, howsoever you achieved it.
You have that extra something, and always translate it into your songs. Impressed, to say the least, once more - genuinely: well done.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ask sales and support questions about Band-in-a-Box using natural language.
ChatPG's knowledge base includes the full Band-in-a-Box User Manual and sales information from the website.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Update your Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Windows® Today!
If you’ve already purchased Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Windows®, great news—a new update is now available! This update introduces a handy new feature: a vertical cursor in the Tracks window that shows the current location across all tracks, and more.
Discover everything included in this free update and download it now at https://www.pgmusic.com/support_windowsupdates.htm#1124
Video: Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Windows®: Boot Camp: The AI Lyrics Generator
With Band-in-a-Box 2025® for Windows®, we've introduced an exciting new feature: the AI Lyrics Generator! In this video, Tobin guides you step-by-step on how to make the most of this new tool.
Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Windows®: Boot Camp: The AI Lyrics Generator video.
Check out the forum post for more information.
Video: Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Windows®: Using VST3 Plugins
Band-in-a-Box 2025® for Windows® now includes support for VST3 plugins, bringing even more creative possibilities to your music production. Join Simon as he guides you through the process in this easy-to-follow demonstration!
Video: Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Windows®: Using VST3 Plugins
Join the conversation on our forum.
Video: Band-in-a-Box 2025 for Windows: Using The BB Stem Splitter!
In this video, Tobin provides a crash course on using the new BB Stem Splitter feature included in Band-in-a-Box 2025® for Windows®. During this process he also uses the Audio Chord Wizard (ACW) and the new Equalize Tempo feature.
Video: Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Windows®: Using the BB Stem Splitter
Check out the forum post for some optional Tips & Tricks!
Congrats to Misha (Rustyspoon)…downloaded/installed a full Audiophile 2025!
Breaking News!
We’re thrilled to announce that Rustyspoon has made PG history as the very first person to successfully complete the download and install of the full Band-in-a-Box 2025 Windows Audiophile Edition (with FLAC files)—a whopping 610GB of data!
A big shoutout to Rustyspoon for stepping up to be our test "elf!"
Thank you for your support, Rustyspoon!
Band-in-a-Box 2025 for Windows Videos
With the launch of Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Windows, we're adding new videos to our YouTube channel. We'll also share them here once they are published so you can easily find all the Band-in-a-Box® 2025 and new Add-on videos in one place!
Whether it's a summary of the new features, demonstrations of the 202 new RealTracks, new XPro Styles PAK 8, or Xtra Styles PAKs 18, information on the 2025 49-PAK, or detailed tutorials for other Band-in-a-Box® 2025 features, we have you covered!
Reference this forum post for One-Stop Shopping of our Band-in-a-Box® 2025 Videos - we will be updating this post as more videos are added!
Band-in-a-Box 2025 for Windows is Here!
Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Windows is here, packed with major new features and an incredible collection of available new content! This includes 202 RealTracks (in Sets 449-467), plus 20 bonus Unreleased RealTracks in the 2025 49-PAK. There are new RealStyles, MIDI SuperTracks, Instrumental Studies, “Songs with Vocals” Artist Performance Sets, Playable RealTracks Set 4, two new sets of “RealDrums Stems,” XPro Styles PAK 8, Xtra Styles PAK 19, and more!
Special Offers
Upgrade to Band-in-a-Box® 2025 with savings of up to 50% on most upgrade packages during our special—available until December 31, 2024! Visit our Band-in-a-Box® packages page for all the purchase options available.
2025 Free Bonus PAK & 49-PAK Add-ons
We've packed our Free Bonus PAK & 49-PAK with some incredible Add-ons! The Free Bonus PAK is automatically included with most Band-in-a-Box® for Windows 2025 packages, but for even more Add-ons (including 20 Unreleased RealTracks!) upgrade to the 2025 49-PAK for only $49. You can see the full lists of items in each package, and listen to demos here.
If you have any questions, feel free to connect with us directly—we’re here to help!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forums65
Topics83,459
Posts758,189
Members39,119
| |
Most Online3,932
Nov 19th, 2024
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dansk
Deutsch - Windows
Español
Français - Windows
Italiano - Windows
Nederlands
Polski
Português
Svenskt
русский
Japanese
Simplified Chinese
Traditional Chinese
Korean