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Ok ... updated. I bumped it up from F# to G (I thought I had it in F at first but ... anyway, bumped it up because my voice could handle another half step, it puts it in G so it'll be easy for me to play on the git-tar, and it puts me closer to the coveted Steve Perry Range). Then I completely redid the vocals with some new "feelz", taking some of Ray's advice, suppressing the piano during the vocals and adding some variety to the "chorus" ... which amounts to the word "fissure". Also toned down the reverb a tad. I did a cover of Ace's "How Long" once, and I saw someone comment on ... in the outtro, Paul Carack never sang the phrase twice quite the same way. First one is the updated track, the second is what I uploaded last night. Or there's a video, if you prefer :-) Fissure (updated) Fissure (Video) Fissure (first crack) ****** Song Summary ************* Title: Fissure File:fissure.SGU Key=D , Tempo 80, Length (m:s)=2:42 No intro. 52 bar chorus, from bar 1 to bar 52. Repeat x1 chorus No Melody Soloist track has 495 notes, Soloist harmony is < no harmony >(0) Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0, Style is _SVELTE.STY (Svelte Gospel Americana) RealTracks in style: 2877:Bass, Acoustic, AmericanaSlow16thsByron Ev16 060 RealTracks in song: 1729:Piano, Acoustic, Solo-Accompaniment PopBalladJohn Ev 110 RealDrums [in style:PraiseWorshipSlow16ths^3-a:Kick, Hihat , b:Snare 2 and 4 I haven't written a song in over a year. I guess after I finished my album I took ... mostly ... a hiatus. That was a lot of work. I did write a parody float trip song and then a song about my relative skill (or lack thereof) on the guitar... that was the last one I wrote. I had just been lamenting this and trying to come up with an inspiration for a song ... when a quite unwelcomed one fell into my lap. This song is actually a bit of therapy for me. Son and daughter-in-law are getting a divorce. This almost happened 12 years ago, which fomented another song of mine, but this time it's happening. But here's the deal. We love our daughter-in-law like a real daughter. She's integrated herself into our family... we're actually close with her parents, her maternal grandmother, and an aunt and uncle of hers. I am certain we will remain close with her and hopefully her parents and aunt and uncle. And we will do our best to make sure our grandkids are well supported. Where THIS song came from was ... from me imagining what it's going to be like at holiday dinners, which are precious to our family ... without her there. Because it would be weird for our son, probably, to invite her, too ... obviously. This creates a discontinuity in the family structure, and that is not a fun thing. At all. She is a lovely person. We love her to the moon and back. Pretty simple accompaniment here. I went for a style, and nuked the piano for a particular solo style I'd used before and thought would fit, and it's about perfect for the song. The only thing better would be for Steve Perry to be singing it instead of me. :-)
Last edited by Phil Leith; 08/28/22 04:08 PM.
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Nice progression.
insightful lyrics.
The vocals not bad at all.
The mix, with the drums leaning right, is odd.
I can hear why you'd want it that way given the stereo piano has most of its action on the left.
I'd be inclined to set the piano as mono, pan it right or left and introduce something gentle opposite it while plonking the drums in the centre.
This is partially because the piano is busy and sometimes steps on your vocal melody.
The chorus "fissure" could use some variation each time it appears.
Nice work.
Cheers
rayc
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Hadn't thought about the placement of the bass & drums much. The piano is dead center according to BIAB and Reaper (sounds that way on my headphones, too ... maybe check your balance or speakers?) I placed the bass and drums at 30 degrees right and left .... mainly because BIAB did that in the "style" though I dropped their original style piano and a couple of guitars out, so there had been competing instruments the style had competing with them.
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Normally I put drums and bass near center. This time there were only three instruments and a vocal. I visualized the stage ... piano ... player and vocalist ... in the center. And I just left bass and drums at + and -30. Seemed to make sense.
Typically we want our lead vocal in the middle. If the lead vocalist is also playing the piano, which is often the case, he'd be sitting at the piano... center. Which necessarily means the drums and bass have to be elsewhere.
The business of the piano was actually almost exactly what I'd envisioned (enhearened?) and I don't feel it gets in the way of the vocals. Which are far from spectacular, but ... I thank anyone who likes them. They're not bad, especially considering the fact I was actually trying hard not to break down singing them and failed several times before I got a take I liked enough.
I may play around with it before publishing before I publish ... I'll take Ray's advice under consideration and it may foment a few tweaks. Right now I'm pretty happy with it... probably just because it exists in a form close to my vision.
But still Steve Perry would do a better job with the vocals :-D
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Hello Phil ...
I wondered what happened to you. Sorry to hear about the family issues. Wishing everyone the very best ibn the days ahead.
Real nice song. Looking a little deeper beyond just the song: Divorce is such a heart-wrenching and emotional process that touches so many lives. Yet you assembled the simplest (meant in a very good way) backing tracks to express those complicated issues. Nit necessarily easy to do. But the strength of the lyric and the passion in your voice did a super job of filling everything out very nicely. The song needs nothing else.
Alan
Last edited by Al-David; 08/27/22 05:54 PM.
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I have gone back and separated the vocal and piano left and right by approximately 10 degrees left and right... so nothing is dead center.
I do like it better.
I will think about suppressing the piano in the verses a bit. Right now, I know what you're saying but I'm not quite sure I don't like it. I could see toning it down a couple DB. But I do like the "busy". I think it's key to the feel.
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Ok ... updated. I bumped it up from F# to G (I thought I had it in F at first but ... anyway, bumped it up because my voice could handle another half step, it puts it in G so it'll be easy for me to play on the git-tar, and it puts me closer to the coveted Steve Perry Range). Then I completely redid the vocals with some new "feelz", taking some of Ray's advice, suppressing the piano during the vocals and adding some variety to the "chorus" ... which amounts to the word "fissure". Also toned down the rerverb a tad. I did a cover of Ace's "How Long" once, and I saw someone comment on ... in the outtro, Paul Carack never sang the phrase twice quite the same way. First one is the updated track, the second is what I uploaded last night. (in the post above) For convenience, here's the new version, same link as the original was (before I changed it). https://soundcloud.com/phil-leith/fissurehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOzvI6BuTdI
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Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Phil,
Love the tune (listening to the revised version). The mix sounds good to me. Nice write and solid vocal. If I had one suggestion (and it's a small subjective one), it might be to dial down the volume just a tad when singing "Fissure"--just to soften it a bit. But that's an artistic preference at best--trust your gut on that one.
My very best to you,
Deej
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Phil,
Fantastic song - an old feeling, but put together with original lyrics. It's a great idea for a song, but I'm sure sorry it is coming from personal pain. Hang in there - all of you.
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Thank you, Deej.
I listen to all criticisms, because they come from somewhere and they are often something I missed.
Here's how I think about the "chorus" ... it is supposed to be somewhat jarring, as basically it mirrors the sudden discontinuity in our lives we feel when we get such news, and we have a stream of lyrics in the verses and then this sudden almost non-sequitur single word interrupt it so the listener almost has to think, "wait, what??" How does that fit in?
Kind of like what we're having to do to process this information in the short amount of time we've had to process it. Now mind you, I didn't consciously come up with this, but looking back I subconsciously did. In that I did it because it just felt right and then I had to go back and ask myself WHY it felt right.
That all being said, I do listen to the criticisms and I did go back and listen for what you might be talking about. It is supposed to be jarring, but we don't want it to be SO jarring that it is no longer something you want to listen to. And I think the first occurrence of the word is fine. The second one should probably fade more, sooner. By the time we get to the end, I'm not sure yet. It is also supposed to be almost somewhat of a "cry". A lament.
So thanks, I will probably go back and play a little more with it.
Last edited by Phil Leith; 08/30/22 04:15 AM.
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Very nice, Phil. I'm sure your daughter-in-law and her whole family appreciate it. Vocals are outstanding. Lovwe the chord progessiona edn melody, and the lyrics add so much warmth. Great band choices.
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Phil,
Love the tune (listening to the revised version). The mix sounds good to me. Nice write and solid vocal. If I had one suggestion (and it's a small subjective one), it might be to dial down the volume just a tad when singing "Fissure"--just to soften it a bit. But that's an artistic preference at best--trust your gut on that one.
My very best to you,
Deej I agree with Deej about the volume of "Fissure". Personally, I would also sing it slightly less sustained. Apart from that, definitely a good song! Rob
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Phil...beautiful song...nice arranging of the piano...really like your vocal...I do agree with Deej...softening it a bit would give it a more thoughtful nuance and I think an echo of 'Fissure' would fit to fill a space that seems empty to me...a delay or echo of the word would sound cool fading away...just a thought...I really liked the song and your production of it!
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The poignancy of the lyric and the performance is touching.
Your heartfelt vocal and that piano are a strong combination.
We like the way you sing “Fissure” and think it does come across as a lament. I (Janice) certainly wanted to cry and also could relate as I have an ex brother-in-law who is still a part of our family.
Music is some of the best therapy ever!
J&B
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Phil, first of all I'm sorry about your family issues.
Second this is a fantastic song.
Great mix, super vocal, outstanding lyrics.
Loved it.
Have you ever noticed there are no lines to a bathroom at a water park?
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Hi Phil.
A good song about a sad situation. Mix sounds good to me. And personally I like the way you sing 'fissure.'
Regards,
Leon
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This is sung very well.
The backstory and the lyrics sadden me.
There's a hint of optimism in the melody. Nice work.
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I liked the way you sang the word fissure, very effective. I usually don't have any helpful comments for members other than I liked or didn't like a song. But in this case, I felt like your song was screaming to be slowed down by 5 bpm. Maybe 10, I don't know. That's just how it felt to me. You might give it a try if you haven't already.
You mentioned Paul Carrack, I love him. Paul Rodgers is another good 'un.
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Phil,
A good song, tough subject.
Not sure I've ever heard anyone write about that particular subject (though many have experienced it).
A bunch of good lines.
Been gone for a couple of weeks, so did not hear the earlier version.
This one sounds good. Balanced.
Good vocals.
Great to see you back here!
fj
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