Originally Posted By: Notes Norton
BTW, you sound like you were fun on the gig. I might steal your biz card shtick one day.


Have your lawyer contact my lawyer and we can negotiate a fee for using the business card gag. I'll charge you the same amount as I paid to the guy I took it from.

I also had one where I said "And the punch line of the night is ___________" and deliver a punch line and say "Come up and tell me the joke." My two favorites were "Catch the colonel" and "If I could walk that way I wouldn't need the talcum powder." In 3 years, nobody ever got the first one. ONE girl got the second.

One night there was a girl who was, I'll just say she rarely missed dinner. She came to a lot of our shows and would always danced directly in front of me and the front man. ("Danced" is a very loose interpretation of the word. It looked more like lava flowing from Mt. Vesuvius.) One night she wore a pair of Guess jeans. Between songs I looked at our singer, Ron, and said "What do those jeans right there say?" He said "Guess." I said "I don't know. 220? 225?"

So my girlfriend of the time, who was an artist as well as handy with a sewing machine, went out and bought a cheap pair of HUGE jeans, and on the left back pocket stitched in "BB", and on the right back pocket a stitched in version of the head of a buffalo. She literally tried to market them with a target market of the larger women, calling them "Buffalo Butt" jeans. And we sent them to that girl (anonymously, of course). AND SHE WORE THEM TO A GIG ONCE!!! I really don't believe in god but that night I thanked god she had a sense of humor. BTW, nobody ever mentioned those jeans. She obviously knew we did it. She never said. We never said.

And the heckler in Erie PA. He was sitting at the first table in front of me wearing the ugliest Hawaiian shirt ever and at some point yelled out "Hey man. What do you do for your real job? I KNOW you're not a keyboard player." He just smiled at him and said "You're right. My main job is lining up guys to bang your wife." He got up and took a step toward the stage and our security guy stepped in and said "Dude, first of all, YOU started it. And second, you want no part of that 40 year old Vietnam veteran." He sat down, we bought him a beer, and the next night he got there 60 minutes before start time to get that same seat down front.

So yeah, I was fun, and funny. Oddly I am an extreme introvert. That kind of "clown mask" was how I dealt with the anxiety of being around so many people. During breaks I found a quiet corner to sit by myself or if there was a dressing room I sat there.

But back to my fee...

EDIT: One last fast story and I will get out of this thread because I have nothing more to say on topic. Another night, that same girl was down front dancing, as usual. As we hit a pause I was getting ready to deliver some comedy while the front guy changed reeds (on his beautiful Selmer VII) I took a breath and got ready to talk and just then I heard someone's pager go off. It was right there down front (or I wouldn't have heard it) and I said "Hey be careful down front there. She's backing up."


Last edited by eddie1261; 11/05/22 03:57 AM.