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https://soundcloud.com/user-618393096/homelessV1 He was standing on the corner With a worn out cardboard sign That said, "I am a veteran, can you spare a dime?" Hollow cheeks and bloodshot eyes A mangy dog sittin' by his side Any other day I would have walked right by But there was something that caught my eye V2 All that he owned in a plastic sack Propped against the wall behind his back Laying on top was a faded photograph Black and white with edges curled It was a picture of a pretty girl In a field of flowers with a newborn child Well I asked him 'bout it and he spoke awhile. Bridge She's the one that rescued me from Viet Nam Her gentle spirit healed this broken empty man We made a home, raised a family Celebrated every anniversary On our thirtieth while driving home I wrecked The judge told me that he fully understood That I'd lost everything in my life that was any good But the law was clear, he sentenced me Seven years in the penitentiary When I got out that picture's all was left V3 When he finished with his story There was a tear drop in his eye And I thought, "But for the grace of god, there go I" Will you judge a man by who he knows By what he spends and where he goes Or by how he's lived, and what he's learned By what's been given, what's been taken, what's been earned... ------- File:homeless.SGU Key=C , Tempo 130, Length (m:s)=3:08 No intro. 99 bar chorus, from bar 1 to bar 99. Repeat x1 chorus Melody has 180 notes, Melody harmony is < no harmony >(0) Soloist track has 181 notes, Soloist harmony is < no harmony >(0) Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0, Song is saved with bar changes for Volume Changes, Style is _HANKPS.STY (Med Country Swing 1 w/ Pedal Ste) RealTracks in style: ~539:Bass, Electric, Pop Sw 120 RealTracks in style: ~528:Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking Hank Sw 120 RealTracks in style: ~372:Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming Hank Sw 120 RealTracks in song: ~1139:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm CountrySwingCleanA-B Sw 110 RealTracks in song: 3069:Multi[Simultaneous=2] VocalOohs, VocalOohs, RealTracks in song: 3069:Multi[Simultaneous=2] VocalOohs, VocalOohs, RealDrums in style:NashvilleSwing8^5-a:Sidestick, HiHat , b:Snare, HiHat
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Hello Redeye ...
Welcome to the PG Music forum.
This is a real nice introductory song. Some good traditional country. I grew up playing this kind of music - played in several country bands for nearly fifty years.
You have a super mix - the backing tracks are relatively sparse - but in a very good way. They fill out the entire soundstage. Everything sits exactly where it should. I listened a couple of times.
I like a good story song! If I may, one suggestion on the lyric:
This line - Seven years in the penitentiary - sounds just a wee bit forced. I would suggest simply: "Seven years, state penitentiary". The syllables flow more smoothly, in my opinion. Feel free to ignore if it doesn't work for you.
I can think of two singers from the 60s and 70s who would have done a nice job on this (just for reference): Merle Haggard or Tom T. Hall.
Nice song and presentation. Again, welcome. Looking forward to more.
Alan
Last edited by Al-David; 06/29/23 05:20 PM.
BIAB 2024 Ultra Plus-all StylePaks*Win11*32GB DDR5*Rhyzen 9745x*AT 2035 Mic*Peavey Nashville 112 Amp*Ibanez ART120* Acoustic/Electric/Washburn D200S Acoustic*Stromberg Monterey Jazz Guitar Loops: https://aldavidmusic.wixsite.com/bestmusicloops
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Sad narrative and a classic country band backing.
A cool melody carried by a characterful voice that communicates well.
Well done.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Howdy Redeye....
This is a good write because it has great imagery.
That's what I look for in a song.
Your vox delivery is personal and works well for your folk/country genre.
Well done.
Carry on....
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Apprentice
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Not my genre but I listened anyway and I'm glad I did. This is a well put together story song, excellent production values and great delivery. It paints a well recognized picture that everyone can relate to. Being a Vietnam Vet I have come upon and helped a lot of these souls, your song hit me in the feels. Thank you for posting.
Rick
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Great job man. A solid write and your vocals are authentic.
Keep up the work and welcome to our forum where we share all things music.
https://soundcloud.com/user-646279677BiaB 2024 Windows For me there’s no better place in the band than to have one leg in the harmony world and the other in the percussive. Thank you Paul Tutmarc and Leo Fender.
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Welcome Redeye
Good song
Sounds good and is also well sung
BiaB well used
Many greetings
Andi ;-)
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Welcome to the forum, Redeye. Good first post. I pushed play then followed the lyrics without reading ahead. I sure was glad it wasn't about a Stolen Valor situation. Man, excellent lyrics, sir. This song is so relatable. There was a guy who owned The Calico Saloon in NY who comes to mind. So sad. So real. So good. So keep 'em coming.
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Redeye,
A nice write.
Good use of BIAB.
An "authentic" vocal...
Welcome to the Showcase.
fj
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Welcome aboard and a great way to begin the forum.
Your heartfelt lyric and soulful vocal are wrapped in a nice BiaB track choice and mix.
Well done and we enjoyed it.
J&B
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Redeye welcome,
This is an outstanding first post.
Great mix and outstanding vocal and lyrics.
I could hear either John Prine or Kris Kristofferson singing this one.
Loved it.
Have you ever noticed there are no lines to a bathroom at a water park?
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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Redeye welcome,
This is an outstanding first post.
Great mix and outstanding vocal and lyrics.
I could hear either John Prine or Kris Kristofferson singing this one.
Loved it. My thoughts exactly... Great song Redeye. Bob
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Journeyman
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Excellent thought provoking lyrics. Well produced, and your voice adds a real quality of pain and truth.
My only comment is about the tempo, I think it's a bit too fast for the mood of the lyrics. You may wish to slow it down a bit for emotional feeling and power.
Otherwise great song.
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Hey Redeye...welcome to the forum...very well written and produced...you obviously are a storyteller...it's hard to tell a good story in song without forcing a lyric at some point but you did not do that at all...I thought the spoken lines added immensely to effect of the narrative...well said and well sung! Dan
www.soundclick.com/firesongBiaB 2024, Steinberg Cubase Pro 13, Wavelab 11.2, SpetraLayers Pro 10, Audacity, Steinberg UR44 Interface, Yamaha Genos, Roland FP60 and FP10, Windows 10 You are who you are because you do what you do because of what you believe.
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Hi Redeye.
You have a good mix and story there but, as Elliott already said, the tempo is too fast and happy for the mood of the song.
Also you could think about changing the vocal phrasing as it's a little awkward in places.
If you can do that then you have a good song.
Vic
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Nicely done. So often, this is a scene repeated time and again with out vets. It's sad that we're willing to take care of the rest of the world with our dollars but our own fall so easily through the cracks and are forgotten and cast aside.
I like this song. I've known a few folks like this. It hits home.
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.comAdd nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both. The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
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Thanks for the positive feedback folks.
There are many paths to homelessness, aren't there?
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Redeye,
Neat story telling tune. Solid arrangement and well performed. Easy listen. Thank you for sharing.
Misha.
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